I don’t know any anyone pushing themselves to try something new who doesn’t suffer from impostor syndrome at least sometimes.
Sometimes I have it when I’ve already finished something; when I look back at a book or story I’ve sold and wonder if it’s actually any good, or if everyone who liked it was wrong. Curing that is easy: I just talk to my friends who also publish books and stories and ask if they have that same problem. They do.
But the far worse kind of impostor syndrome, for me, is the one that tells me to stop working on a new project. The one that tells me I’m not skilled enough for this project, and I’m going to fail, so I shouldn’t try. Sometimes that voice is right; sometimes I need to step back and work on some basic skills and then I can conquer the new feat. But usually, that voice is just fear.
So, I found something kind of goofy that works REALLY WELL for me. I put together a short Impostor Syndrome playlist (you can listen to it on Spotify if you want). Then I put it on my phone and walk my dog.
It starts out with a few really high octane rap and R&B songs about believing in yourself and tearing down everything standing in your way. (Warning: there’s some explicit lyrics with Eninem and the Beastie Boys)
It closes with two songs that are way different: “Courage” and “We Choose to Go to the Moon,” both from Christopher Tin’s oratorio To Shiver the Sky, an album that sets texts about flight to choral music. “Courage” is a beautiful rendition of Amelia Earhart’s poem by the same name, and “We Choose to Go to the Moon” is JFK’s famous speech, which happens to be one of my favorite speeches of all time.
These pieces are both about doing hard things, so they’re great to psyche myself up. But more importantly, they remind me that Tin was doing something really ambitious with his oratorio. This album isn’t for everyone–it isn’t even for most people. (I bet I lost a lot of you with the word “oratorio.”) It’s a little clunky in some spots–it isn’t perfect. And Tin could have let that stop him. But if he had, because he knew he wouldn’t please most people with this album and couldn’t make it perfect, then I would never have heard it. I would have missed out on the gift of this album, which I think I’ve listened to more than any other single album in the last three years.
Sometimes I need a reminder that I’m not writing my books for everyone. I’m writing books for the chance to give a gift to a few people. Failing that, failing getting any fans who love my books as much as I love To Shiver the Sky, then at least I can love my books.
Katie Venit 